Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
