you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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