I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
