we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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