had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
