I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
