i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
