the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
