If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
