You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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