There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
