apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
