First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You have to summon your inner elephant
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
