If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
