Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My pussy is not your playground.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Text me some of your sweat
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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