Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
