It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
