If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
