I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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