"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
