And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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