"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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