Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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