Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
