I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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