i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
