If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
