remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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