A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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