I'm really into asian looking animals
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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