just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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