what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
