Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
