first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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