btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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