I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
