I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
