So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
