I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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