I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
