Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
