remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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