so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
