I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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