so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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