They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Still dying that you shit outside
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
