i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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