I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
