The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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