The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
