I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
