she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
