She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
