it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
