you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
