No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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