I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
