somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
