well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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