great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
