I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is Oprah even human
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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