I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
honey bunches of taint.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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