I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This house was built for laser tag.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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