I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize