she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
