Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
