I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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