I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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