I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
