Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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