Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
