i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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