Are we still banned from the library?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
