youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize