Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I love you.
Bad choice
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
