its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
