Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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