party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
