It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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