I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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