nut hugger
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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