Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
