can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
