I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
