Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize