Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
