just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
