you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
