kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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