is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
