i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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