Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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