He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
