ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
