I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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