I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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