It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
