I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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