saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
