After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
