i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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