So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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