Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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